somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
