if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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