all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
