How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
