i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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