I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
