okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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