Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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