worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
