Just cropdusted the office
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
