I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
