I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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