She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
