I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
