He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
