I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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