I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
