so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
