if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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