we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
