We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I just found puke in my bra..
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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