After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
