i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
