Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
