there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
