I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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