How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Randomize
