Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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