meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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