i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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