it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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