I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
