She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize