capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
