i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize