did you get engaged???
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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