So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
