Well apparently he's into motor boating.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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