I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Randomize
