I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
