things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
