Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
