i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
