420 ftw
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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