I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
