You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I am naked and annoyed.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
