If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
My liver just broke up with me...
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
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i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
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The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
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