did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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