You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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