My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
