That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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