What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
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