guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
