Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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