Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
