we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
