just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Can you repeat that, but with context?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
