i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
