Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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