i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
