Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
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