I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
