those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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