Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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