After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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