Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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