just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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