All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
