the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
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bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
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I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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