Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Randomize
