youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
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