he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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