she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
