Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
