Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
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